Thursday, October 4, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The rumors surrounding Tony Scott's death, such as whether or not he was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer before taking his life, I think show how uncomfortable the media and the general public is with handling questions of suicide. He has it all! Success! Money! Fame! Family! etc. And we even satisfy ourselves with the answer of "we'll never know why."
I obviously can only speak for myself and my experience and that is to say, even being young and intelligent, and having family and friends, and born in this fabulous day and age...my depression was so bad I felt almost inhuman with apathy. Nothing mattered. Luckily, I reached out, I got help. I asked to go on medication. And the worst it got I was on medication and I asked to change medications because it clearly wasn't helping.
All I want to do with my life is help others, but it turned out I really needed to help myself first. All that is available is the belief that it's not supposed to be like this. There is help. There's no quick fix, but it will be so worth it. I really feel like I wouldn't be this happy now if I hadn't been so unhappy before.
The difference now is that I access that pain in a new way. Reflecting on it rather than letting it completely overwhelm me. It's nice to be able to feel a range of emotions as opposed to just one, but it's still a process.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
This is a negativity trap. Thinking that the other shoe is going to drop at any moment...being SO sure that something awful is around the corner...instead of enjoying the present. I at least know I have all the support I need while I make these changes (and maybe some side effects will go away! The change could be for the better!) and need to continue to pay close attention to what is happening internally.
You hold the key to your own happiness :-)
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I think the biggest change I can credit a bit to this blog. I was always very secretive and as I've grown over these past few months especially I feel myself opening up a lot more. Being honest and straightforward is coming more naturally. First it was out of necessity, but now it's out of habit. And it has been immensely helpful.
It's harder now, because I feel like I'm a little in hindsight mode, to be as helpful to others in terms of talking about my depression. At the same time, I know I'm in a good place right now because of all the hard work I put in on myself. Unfortunately, I'm also headed into the rough waters of searching for a job, which in the past has been an incredibly demoralizing process. I'm arming myself with as much support as possible now, and hopefully I will be able to navigate it better this time around.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
|Image Source (You can buy the print!)|